haemus: skittlesndrpepper: craigmothertucker: so my 16 year old brother made himself a balloon son and kept a photo album of their day together here it is Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my boyfriend and his outstanding level of maturity.
servant-of-the-earth: sandandglass: My cellphone is basically just a clock sitting in my pocket because nobody contacts me This is the most accurate thing ever.
canadumb: thinsiqnificant: canadumb: *ducts tapes my laptop together* *duct tapes my life together* isnt that what i said
Reblog if you say "fuck" more than 5 times a day.
damnnlyssa: mojosodope178: 50* 500
ju-ke: i’m tasteless but so is water and we all need that
breadstiks: it’s physically impossible to fit words into a venn diagram
everyones-an-asshole: milfoftheyear: when you see a shoe in the middle of the road and you wonder what is its story Someone get Sam, we found it!
vogue-wars: “you’re just missing a concert” they said “it’s not like it’s a big deal” they said “it’s just a band” they said “what are you doing with that axe” they said
thearchangeltrickster: timelordassbutt-from221b: jumpushfall: grapefruitshampoo: I’m not even in the Hannibal fandom and yet I’m in the Hannibal fandom do you feel me? i taste you we always end up here dont we
pityreblogs: when i’m old i’m going to say “or as they said in my day “yolo swag””
fffcuk: being popular on tumblr is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital
funasshi: spunkydragonwithdeadlylegs: funasshi: townsvillain: preshiram: why do some women masturbate with vegetables. are you really that desperate if i had a hole like that i’d stick anything i could in there, shit i’d probably keep my house keys in there i would put my keys in there if my vagina wasnt tighter than a black hole i dont think you meant a black hole because that...
tentacruels: On an iPhone “yolo” autocorrects to “tool” and I think that’s beautiful
londongrimshaw: [falls in the shower] parkour
doncastrate: there’s no “we” in food get the fuck away from me